The Accidental Tourist

….or so they say. 

I’ve been feeling pretty lousy for the past 2 weeks. Mr Phua passed away 2 weeks ago. It was a shock to me ‘coz i had just visited him a week before he passed. It’s a constant reminder that life is unpredictable.  He was a great man. Always thinking of others even though he was bed ridden and had great difficulties communicating. 

Another hospice patient that I have been photographing went into a coma earlier this week. The family was planning to take him off life support as he has signed his AMD. I just got the SMS where the wake will be held.  It was hard for me to say good bye to him on Monday. I knew that it was going to be the final goodbye. But it was harder to see how sad his wife was and for her to deal with the pain of facing his death. She herself said it, ” I thought i was prepared for this moment but i’m not.” 

I’m sorry that I have to refer to him as “The Hospice Patient”  but the family has requested to stay anonymous. It sounds really cold and distant. Hence, I would refer to him as “The Awesome Dude”.  I’ve grown to really like the families that i have spent time with. It saddens me when i hear of their passing. Even though I’ve known them for a short 6 - 8 months but the intensity of the time that I spent with them makes me feel like I’ve known them for a longer time.  It doesn’t help that life goes on as normal for me.  Even though, friends have said that I need to emotionally detach myself, i think it’s only human nature to feel sad. 

It’s probably not my place to say this but when things quiet down and I had time to think about it, I’m reminded that “The Awesome Dude” was a really really lucky man.  His wife was one of the nicest  ladies i have ever met. Ever so warm and kind. Once they found out that he suffered from a similar form of Motor Neutron disease that Mr Phua was suffering from, they treasured all their previous moments together with their children. The wife told me that they talk to each other every night until they fall asleep. Sorry that I’m sounding preachy but how many of us actually treasure the time that we have? 

One of the things that Mrs Phua had taught me was to count my blessings. She was thankful that Mr Phua and her had 5 good years of retirement before he fell sick.  If she can count her blessings and see the lighter side of things, who am i to complain about the little inconveniences in life?

…if you don’t hear it, has it fallen?

….so i thought…wanted to print a picture of Mr and Mrs Ng Wai Mun and frame it up for them but I just found out that Mr Ng passed away this evening…I got caught up in work….lame excuse, I know. :( 

Eeks….how can i forget to put up this information on my blog…..

First up! 

1. BENGALURU RUSH

A photography exhibition featuring the works of nine photographers who found their own beat to India’s rhythm.  

Duration of Exhibition:  Feb 21 – Mar 14

Time:  Monday to Friday, 11am to 7pm / Saturday, 1pm to 5pm

Venue:  Objectifs – Centre for Photography and Filmmaking / 12A Liang Seah Street

For more info:  http://www.farm.sg/index.php/farm/feature/bengaluru_rush/ or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5T_Aq6UHtg0

Commonly regarded as one of the beacons of modern India, Bangalore or Bengaluru has made a name for its IT firms and international business relations. Yet somewhere in this cosmopolitan hustle-bustle is an eclectic traditional charm that sweeps the city into a mind-boggling mix. 

The images on exhibition are for sale. The photographers will donate 20 percent of the proceeds to SoCare Ind, a foster home for 104 children whose parents are convicts facing life or long-term imprisonment in Karnataka state’s jail system. The home provides free boarding, healthcare and education for the children and depends on donations and volunteers to function.

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2. THE PHOTOGRAPHER’S STORIES: PASAR: SIEM REAP AT BISHAN LIBRARY

Date:    1 Mar - 14 Mar 2009

Mon - Sun : 10.00am - 9.00pm     

Details:  Open to public, free admission       

Venue:  Bishan Public Library

5 Bishan Place, #01-01, Singapore 579841

Website:  http://www.farm.sg/index.php/farm/feature/the_photographers_stories/

I’ll be showing my Pasar : Siem Reap Series at the Bishan Library. This series was exhibited in Tokyo at  Month Of Photography (Japan) last June. This will be my first little solo show in Singapore. Also check out the other ongoing exhibitions in the other libraries! 

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 3 .THE PHOTOGRAPHERS’ STORIES REDUX

Date:   1 – 29 March 2009

Mon - Sun:  10.00am - 9.00pm

Details:  Open to public, free admission     

Venue: National Library Building, Promenades, Level 7 & 8

24 photographers, 24 original stories and 1 group show,

Just as the name suggests, all images will now be brought together from the 12 public libraries and shown as 1 exhibition within the National Library Building; where the works will now take on a new context with reference to each other and the space. Pasar : Siem Reap will be part of the 160 works on display. For the Central Library, the curation will be different.  Curated by Mr Chris Yap. 

Mr Phua has motor neutron disease. The illness has left him immobile as he is slowly losing the use of his muscles. Mrs Phua is showing him pictures that I took. He is confined to his room except for the rare excursion to the hairdresser. I take comfort that my pictures are his windows to what’s happening on the outside…..just a thought….

it’s nice to have a day at home when you’re not rushing out for appointments. Ah….the simplicity  of a quiet day.

I turned off my facebook account last week. Was talking to a friend and both of us lamenting that conversations seemed to be more real and sincere back in the days when people were talking on the phone. At least, I knew a guy wasn’t talking to me and 10 other girls on their facebook account and on MSN at the same time. Even if he is, then I don’t think it’s worth wasting my time. 

The strange thing is within a span of less than a week,  I got what seemed to be a suicide note on my facebook (it turned out to be false alarm and I blame an early SMS on a subject’s passing that made my brain go haywire), some event invites, a few requests that I join my friends in conquering the world in some RPG , comments of disbelief that i would actually turn off the digital life and lastly, a termination note on friendship. Ok I was still lurking around facebook but i won’t be answering any comments. And hopefully, I’ll be weaned off facebook by the end of next week. Creative Spark sent me a link that marvels the wonders of the internet and how far we have come with the internet. To put it simply, we live our life on the net. The fact that I’m actually typing this out for the world wide web is pretty ironic and scary at the same time. Note: WORLD WIDE. Talk about pouring your heart out. 

I love and hate the web at the same time. I hate it that we are all hiding behind the screens. The scene from Wall-e scared the crap out of me. Being computer science trained, my first interaction with the internet ranks highly in life experiences. Maybe right next to discovering I could lie to my parents and get away with it when I was 4 years old. I love the information that is readily available. It’s a great marketing tool for photographers. Go to www.deannang.com.  News, old camera manuals, buying stuff from half way across the globe. You could even find the condensed version of the novel that has taken you ages to read. Or u could google on Ex-BFs and find out what they have been up to. It caters to the voyeuristic side of me.  Just in case, you’re an ex-BF reading this, Hello and I hope life has treated you well.

Having said all that, I think too much info is not necessarily a good thing. Friend, who has terminated our friendship until 2011, is going through a rough patch and would like to keep me and all the information that I carry with me out of his life for a while. I respect that and I really hope that you get through it. On the other hand, friends, who have come to see my point of view, have decided that yes, real life conversations might be the way to go. So we’ll be heading out for supper tonight to catch up and i shall try not to hide behind this screen anymore.

Remember when you were young and when your mum told you that you can have a bite of chocolate cake, you would always try to get the biggest bite possible? You open your mouth really wide and try to stuff as much as possible? Or when your sibling offered you a sip of their yakult and you would try to hold your breath and take the longest sip ever? 

I haven’t had that feeling that i needed to maximise every opportunity available. Strangely, a bus ride from Vinh to Dong Hoi brought back that feeling. Tym and I were feeling smug (or at least I was) that we had scored a nice bus ride in a bus with curtains, A/C and a small LCD screen in the front playing vietnamese MTVs to boot. The conductor was a hard dude with a face weathered by the tough elements on the road. Tym described him as “the guy who could play the baddie in channel 8 dramas”. The inner auntie in me was feeling pleased that we had managed to bargain down the price from 100k dong to 60k dong although i found out later we were being ripped off (tourist price). No more crazy bus rides where the boss and his entourage smoking and partying at the back row. No more stranger’s feet hanging over my backpack and me waking up to seeing a foot in my face.  No more traffic jams or stops on the road where everyone would rush out to see what accident had costed the jam. No more trying  to rush to the toilet at the petrol kiosk in record time and worrying that the bus will drive off with my backpack and travel mate.  

How wrong was I? The engine started and the LCD screen was kept away. At least, I won’t get a ear worm with that vietnamese MTV that they have put on a loop. Thing were definitely not looking up when we noticed that the A/C never got turned on. Oh well, we can always look out the window. When a family, with their motorcycle helmets on, started turning up on the bus, I thought to myself “geez, poor things, must be a bad day for them. bikes must have broken down”. And then it happened. They pushed the motorcycle onto the bus. The bus was full and conceited me thought, this should be a fast ride since the 24 seater bus is full and they won’t stop to pick up passengers. Wrong again. the 24 seater packed 40 pax at our final count and hey the communists are fair people. You paid a fare, you’ll get a seat. Everyone is equal, ok? Cushions were put in the aisles. Plastic stools were pulled. Voila! Nothing is impossible! The guys on the bus were pretty nice people. They dropped Tym and I at a spot in Dong Hoi where it was easy for us to get accommodation. 

 A few days later, we were in Dong Ha. Tym was doing her hotel research and I was feeling miserable as it was raining non stop. I was ready to skip Dong Ha and move on to Hue. Even our travel agent asked “why are you in Dong Ha, not Hue?”  While waiting, I was standing by the roadside and trying to get some rainy day Vietnam shots. Then I saw our good friend. The conductor from the super packed bus ride. The bus was cruising down the road trying to pick up new passengers. He waved at me and I took a picture. It’s nice to have friends in small towns in Vietnam. :) 

Meet Mr and Mrs Ng Wai Mun. You probably can’t tell from the picture but Mr Ng has nose cancer. When I first met him, he had tubes going down his nose as he can’t eat and has to go on a liquid diet. The tubes in his noses got choked up and the doctors changed it to a tube that’s going directly into his stomach. The two of them are also one of the sweetest couple that I have ever met. Even the cynic in me thought that “hey, true love is possible after all!”

I started shooting for the Lien Foundation’s Life before Death champaign about 4 months ago. Initially, I found it hard to talk to my friends about it. I was depressed. More so than the patients themselves. I couldn’t help but to think that the end road was death. In our society, it’s still taboo to talk about death and to talk about death seems inauspicious. Almost seems like I’m wishing the worst on the person. I’m not an emotional person. I don’t think I am. I didn’t cry at my own grandmother’s funeral when i was 16. I teared ‘coz I saw my dad crying and I felt sad for him. I still feel a pang of sadness when i open my dad’s wardrobe and see that he still has my grandmother’s pictures on his wardrobe door. When my own uncle passed away from throat cancer last year, I dreaded giving the news to my mum who was overseas. All i could think of was she will be sad and how do I break the news to her. In the end, my brother told her.  To put it simply, I fear death and I fear the sadness that surrounds it.

But something clicked tonight. A friend mentioned that thank god that I was back from India with the bombing happening in Mumbai. I reminded him that i was in Bangalore, not Mumbai, which was miles away. I don’t mean to sound unkind but I’ve always said that you can choke on tofu and die. I thought that at least the hospice patients have a chance to say good bye to their family. Initially, when we started on the champaign, I thought it was impossible to shoot happy pictures of the hospices patients. Looking back, I think my own depressing mood was affecting my pictures. After meeting more hospices patients,  I don’t know if it’s because I’ve grown accustomed to talking about death or the strength of the families who chosen  to celebrate what they have at the moment, but I’m not afraid of talking about it anymore. Or maybe I choose to look on the bright side now. Someone once said to me that the destination is not important, but the journey is. I guess the celebration of life as a journey makes the destination insignificant.

Sorry but there’s no better way to describe India. Nothing can prepare you for it. Sure, friends have warned me about the infamous Indian Diarrhea (which i did not get). Ex-Colleagues who used to come straight to the workplace after hopping off the plane from India had that incredulous aroma of Jasmine mixed with coconut oil and sometimes BO. Uncles who came back from india, told me strange tales of how the cows own the road and a cow, in the middle of the road, parts traffic like Moses parted the red sea. If you watched enough of the Amazing Race, you will know that women get groped in the trains and the buses. 

I didn’t get the Indian Diarrhea. I think I did acquire that Indian Aroma minus the BO, of course. My dressing table smells strangely of Jasmine and coconut oil even though I can’t put my finger to where the smell is coming from. Yes, the cow own the roads and it’s something that you need to see to believe. Lastly, I did not get groped. Although friends make fun about it (yes i get the joke and my ego is bruised etc etc…), I’m glad my chastity is intact. Thank you very much.