I got woken up by a phone call at 7.30am this morning. I couldn’t make out what the lady was saying. When she started crying, I realised that it was Aishah and she was trying to tell me that “Grandma” has passed away. In my morning stupor, I told her to take care of herself and I’m sorry about Grandma’s passing

I laid in bed trying to process what just happened. Mdm Mariam has passed away. I just visited her a couple of weeks ago. Strangely, i flipped through my mental album of her. There were very rare occasions when she looked happy.  You can’t blame her. She was in pain and hanging in there for her family. There was always a sense of woefulness surrounding her.  She was a strong-willed arab. Walked out of a bad marriage. Raised her daughter single handed after her second husband died in a war. I didn’t think she will be one to shy away from a fight either. I liked her feisty spirit. I was amused when she told me that she used to be in a secret society. She did what she did to survive.

The day passed but I felt like I was trapped in a different time zone. Going through motion. Dealing with death still doesn’t come easy for me. It hits you like a curve ball when you lest expects it. I know she’s in a better place and that’s all that matters.

Before the vacation euphoria fades off, I just wanted to say that I’m glad that you had a good break. It’s been a non stop year with the Life Before Death project, new clients and that first solo show you were so nervous about.

I’m glad that you took Mum along. Even though she’s a polar bear who turns off the heat when it’s 7 degrees outside, she’s still one cool mum roughing it out with you backpacking in Japan. I’m not sure it makes up for all the time that you were away and not being there for her but it’s a start.

Thank god that you didn’t bring your DSLR or obsessed about the best angle for your picture or try to build your portfolio on this trip. Wasn’t it nice to play tourist for a change? To sit and observe. To talk to the person right next to you.

So here’s my proposition for the remaining of 2009. Read more or at least , try to finish up the books that are on the shelves. Listen to the music that you used to love. Watch a few more movies. Stop obsessing about photography. Get inspired somewhere else.

Love,

Me

10 years ago, clients would tell me to take only bluebird taxis when I’m in Jakarta. 10 years later, client still tells me to “walk pass all the other taxi drivers and look for the guy in a white shirt/blue vest and the logo that looks like a phoenix. ”

The first visit to Jakarta was with Mum and brother. All i remembered of that trip was the river was polluted, squatters living their lives next to it and of course, my brother and I puking our guts out in the hotel room ‘coz of food poisoning.

In my first job, ex company sent me to Jakarta during the riots (or rather, despite the riots) to do training session for clients. It was scary for the fresh graduate out of school traveling alone and looking at all the trucks with protesters driving by. It didn’t help to find out there was a protest on the airport highway the night before but the protesters had dispersed due to rain.
Forward to present day, I’m still none the wiser . Walking out of the airport, i totally missed the guy in the white shirt and the blue vest. Yeah, i felt pretty stupid walking up and down looking for the “Bluebird”. Jakarta doesn’t seem to be what i remembered it to be. Building looks bigger and expensive. Malls are filled with the latest IT gadgets. Hey, the telcoms were having an Iphone event today and the best part is, you don’t have to queue to get one. The shops are filled with factory outlets. How about a burberry polo tee for $20?

No shopping for me since it’s only day 1. So i’m off looking for bluebird taxis while i’m in jakarta and pretending to look like i understand bahasa indonesian.

….or so they say. 

I’ve been feeling pretty lousy for the past 2 weeks. Mr Phua passed away 2 weeks ago. It was a shock to me ‘coz i had just visited him a week before he passed. It’s a constant reminder that life is unpredictable.  He was a great man. Always thinking of others even though he was bed ridden and had great difficulties communicating. 

Another hospice patient that I have been photographing went into a coma earlier this week. The family was planning to take him off life support as he has signed his AMD. I just got the SMS where the wake will be held.  It was hard for me to say good bye to him on Monday. I knew that it was going to be the final goodbye. But it was harder to see how sad his wife was and for her to deal with the pain of facing his death. She herself said it, ” I thought i was prepared for this moment but i’m not.” 

I’m sorry that I have to refer to him as “The Hospice Patient”  but the family has requested to stay anonymous. It sounds really cold and distant. Hence, I would refer to him as “The Awesome Dude”.  I’ve grown to really like the families that i have spent time with. It saddens me when i hear of their passing. Even though I’ve known them for a short 6 – 8 months but the intensity of the time that I spent with them makes me feel like I’ve known them for a longer time.  It doesn’t help that life goes on as normal for me.  Even though, friends have said that I need to emotionally detach myself, i think it’s only human nature to feel sad. 

It’s probably not my place to say this but when things quiet down and I had time to think about it, I’m reminded that “The Awesome Dude” was a really really lucky man.  His wife was one of the nicest  ladies i have ever met. Ever so warm and kind. Once they found out that he suffered from a similar form of Motor Neutron disease that Mr Phua was suffering from, they treasured all their previous moments together with their children. The wife told me that they talk to each other every night until they fall asleep. Sorry that I’m sounding preachy but how many of us actually treasure the time that we have? 

One of the things that Mrs Phua had taught me was to count my blessings. She was thankful that Mr Phua and her had 5 good years of retirement before he fell sick.  If she can count her blessings and see the lighter side of things, who am i to complain about the little inconveniences in life?

First up! 

1. BENGALURU RUSH

A photography exhibition featuring the works of nine photographers who found their own beat to India’s rhythm.  

Duration of Exhibition:  Feb 21 – Mar 14

Time:  Monday to Friday, 11am to 7pm / Saturday, 1pm to 5pm

Venue:  Objectifs – Centre for Photography and Filmmaking / 12A Liang Seah Street

For more info:  http://www.farm.sg/index.php/farm/feature/bengaluru_rush/ or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5T_Aq6UHtg0

Commonly regarded as one of the beacons of modern India, Bangalore or Bengaluru has made a name for its IT firms and international business relations. Yet somewhere in this cosmopolitan hustle-bustle is an eclectic traditional charm that sweeps the city into a mind-boggling mix. 

The images on exhibition are for sale. The photographers will donate 20 percent of the proceeds to SoCare Ind, a foster home for 104 children whose parents are convicts facing life or long-term imprisonment in Karnataka state’s jail system. The home provides free boarding, healthcare and education for the children and depends on donations and volunteers to function.

———————————————————————————————————————————-

2. THE PHOTOGRAPHER’S STORIES: PASAR: SIEM REAP AT BISHAN LIBRARY

Date:    1 Mar – 14 Mar 2009

Mon – Sun : 10.00am – 9.00pm     

Details:  Open to public, free admission       

Venue:  Bishan Public Library

5 Bishan Place, #01-01, Singapore 579841

Website:  http://www.farm.sg/index.php/farm/feature/the_photographers_stories/

I’ll be showing my Pasar : Siem Reap Series at the Bishan Library. This series was exhibited in Tokyo at  Month Of Photography (Japan) last June. This will be my first little solo show in Singapore. Also check out the other ongoing exhibitions in the other libraries! 

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

 3 .THE PHOTOGRAPHERS’ STORIES REDUX

Date:   1 – 29 March 2009

Mon – Sun:  10.00am – 9.00pm

Details:  Open to public, free admission     

Venue: National Library Building, Promenades, Level 7 & 8

24 photographers, 24 original stories and 1 group show,

Just as the name suggests, all images will now be brought together from the 12 public libraries and shown as 1 exhibition within the National Library Building; where the works will now take on a new context with reference to each other and the space. Pasar : Siem Reap will be part of the 160 works on display. For the Central Library, the curation will be different.  Curated by Mr Chris Yap. 

Mr Phua has motor neutron disease. The illness has left him immobile as he is slowly losing the use of his muscles. Mrs Phua is showing him pictures that I took. He is confined to his room except for the rare excursion to the hairdresser. I take comfort that my pictures are his windows to what’s happening on the outside…..just a thought….

it’s nice to have a day at home when you’re not rushing out for appointments. Ah….the simplicity  of a quiet day.

The strange thing is within a span of less than a week,  I got what seemed to be a suicide note on my facebook (it turned out to be false alarm and I blame an early SMS on a subject’s passing that made my brain go haywire), some event invites, a few requests that I join my friends in conquering the world in some RPG , comments of disbelief that i would actually turn off the digital life and lastly, a termination note on friendship. Ok I was still lurking around facebook but i won’t be answering any comments. And hopefully, I’ll be weaned off facebook by the end of next week. Creative Spark sent me a link that marvels the wonders of the internet and how far we have come with the internet. To put it simply, we live our life on the net. The fact that I’m actually typing this out for the world wide web is pretty ironic and scary at the same time. Note: WORLD WIDE. Talk about pouring your heart out. 

I love and hate the web at the same time. I hate it that we are all hiding behind the screens. The scene from Wall-e scared the crap out of me. Being computer science trained, my first interaction with the internet ranks highly in life experiences. Maybe right next to discovering I could lie to my parents and get away with it when I was 4 years old. I love the information that is readily available. It’s a great marketing tool for photographers. Go to www.deannang.com.  News, old camera manuals, buying stuff from half way across the globe. You could even find the condensed version of the novel that has taken you ages to read. Or u could google on Ex-BFs and find out what they have been up to. It caters to the voyeuristic side of me.  Just in case, you’re an ex-BF reading this, Hello and I hope life has treated you well.

Having said all that, I think too much info is not necessarily a good thing. Friend, who has terminated our friendship until 2011, is going through a rough patch and would like to keep me and all the information that I carry with me out of his life for a while. I respect that and I really hope that you get through it. On the other hand, friends, who have come to see my point of view, have decided that yes, real life conversations might be the way to go. So we’ll be heading out for supper tonight to catch up and i shall try not to hide behind this screen anymore.